It’s the first step in the Art of Moving Forward that may actually be the most difficult: letting go of what’s holding you back…
I’ve mentioned in a few of my recent blog posts that I’ve gotten into the energizing pattern of of spending time early each morning, in front of my blazing fire place, “letting go” of what I believe is holding me back.
A few of you have responded in the comments and privately in emails to me that the idea resonates with you, but that it’s sometimes hard to identify what it really is, “three layers below the surface,” that is holding you back.
So, I thought I’d share with you some of the things that I focus on as a way to begin your own process of self-reflection…and to get you started down your own path of discovering what it really is that may be holding you back, even in tiny ways that are imperceptible at first blush:
1. Fears that are holding you back – start at the surface but go many layers deeper…
- Fear of loss
- Fear of pain
- Fear of success
- Fear of failure
- Fear of losing control over some aspect of your life
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of admitting what you don’t know
- Fear of tearing down the walls to let others get close to you
- And so many more…
2. Emotional Barriers that are preventing you from moving forward or from creating deeper relationships across all aspects of your life, including your career:
- Guilt
- Anger
- Distrust
- Resentment
- Jealousy
- Maybe even love…
3. Regrets. Sometimes these can be so powerful that they hold us captive until we unbury them, face them and effectively let them go so we can move beyond them.
4. Insecurities…about belonging, fitting in, being worthy, just for starters…
5. Low expectations that grow from prior disappointments and dim the vibrancy of our future if we don’t address them
These are just five places to look when trying to understand what is holding you back. Of course, these are five HUGE items to grapple with – but as humans they are very real to each and every one of us.
I’ve come to realize that once I understand what is holding me back, once I identify how it came into my life and I reflect on how it’s directly altered my path, I am so much closer to letting it go and moving past it in an energized and enlightened way. And I use that word intentionally. I always feel lighter after I purposefully begin to “let go” of what has prevented me – the real essence of me – from being present in various aspects of my life.
Much can hold us back as leaders – because we come into our roles first and foremost as humans. The naked truth is, if we allow these things to hold us back as humans, then we are not giving our best, most genuine selves to our followers.
How are you taking the first step to moving forward? I’d be honored if you’d share in the comments…
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Photo is Pause, Reflect, Then Move Forward by Andrew Morrell Photography.
30 Response Comments
Hey Lisa,
Quite the appropros title for your post… My wife and I are trying to move forward as we grieve the loss of her father, my father in law…
It’s only been a few days and his funeral is Saturday. I realize this is not the kind of “moving forward” you had in mind but it is still something we all must deal with, death and in turn, move forward from it…
Saturday will surely see a flood of memories come back as we all come together to both mourn his passing and celebrate his life…
I think for many people the loss of a loved one can in fact hold them back to some extent…
There is obviously nothing wrong with mourning as we surely will but we all know at some point life goes on and indeed, moves forward.
And we need to keep moving right along with it, not just for our own sake but for the sake of others who depend on us, like my mother in law for example…
“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
Sorry for your loss, Steve.
Thanks Steve, appreciate that…
Steve,
You may not be at all surprised to know that yours is the exact kind of moving on I *did* have on my mind…my grandmother, the matriarch of our Italian family and the only grandparent I’ve had for many years now, is in the process of passing on.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and I can understand the pain you are in as you grieve.
More than anything I am so grateful that you have shared your personal pain and insights here – the poem is phenomenally beautiful – did you write it? And may I share it over the next week as I follow you down the same process?
Hugs and love to you and your wife, Lisa
Thanks Lisa,
Sorry to hear about your grandmother… May God be with her and your family…
As for the poem, no I cannot take credit for it, it was written for a woman, I merely tweaked for a man… and by all means please do share it as I think it’s an incredibly moving piece…
Thank you, Steve…
In front of the fireplace is an appropriate spot, Lisa. Sometimes it helps to write the thing down, wave good-bye, and toss it into the fire…
Yesiree…you should see the pile of paper ash I’ve generated in there…! 🙂 You know what’s really insightful about what you wrote, though? The waving good-bye part. It’s about letting go with positive energy and not negative energy – not keeping any of the anger or bitterness around… I think the waving metaphor is quite insightful. Thanks for sharing, Steve.
Nice post Lisa. I’ve done something similar to Steve’s suggestion. Sometimes it helps to incorporate a physical action into the process to help re-write that track on the record.
These days I think its most important to make the time for quiet reflection on who you want to be, acknowledge the past and let it go and then look forward to a brand new day.
Thank you, Robert. I think you’re right about the physical action helping to “re-write” the track (or break the pattern). And I love your philosophy…it’s inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing it here – I genuinely appreciate it.
Hi Lisa,
Each one of those bullet points can be a topic in itself. Too often in the past I have caught myself jumping into my day without a simple pause to breath in the moment.
Thanks,
You know, Michael – you’re right about them being topics in and of themselves…perhaps that is a hint? 🙂 Thanks for sharing and glad to know you are stopping to breathe today…
Steve,
So sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing something so personal. The poem is lovely.
Lisa,
Thank you for this reminder. Self-reflection is so powerful yet frequently lost in the chaos of my daily routine. I appreciate your writing because it cuts through the clutter and gets to the heart of the matter. This post is a great reminder for me to take the necessary time to reflect on fears, insecurities and regrets that may be holding me back from truly making a valiant effort in all aspects of my life each and every day.
Hugs to you during this difficult time.
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa. You’re so right – the self-reflection alone is powerful. Thank you for the kind words and for the hugs – they mean a lot to me!
Lisa,
I am taken by this post and so many of the comments. I am going to go out on a limb and say that I believe that letting go is easier when there is a real “end” to what we fear. I may not say this correctly or succinctly, but I think back to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ model and the stages of grief. It is much easier to move forward when you know something is final.
Think about the difference between death of a spouse vs divorce. Even losing a parent…my father was sick from the time I was four and he died when I was 28. I had 24 years to prepare…the fact is you are never ready. But the finality of his death allowed me to move forward and no longer fear losing him.
In our professional careers we can fear so much, all that you discussed. The fear is with us until someone or something brings what is “up in the air” down to earth. You either walk away, get fired, lose your job, as in a friendly merger or hostile takeover. When it is over, you can take that step forward.
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and rise up to meet the next challenge, because we don’t always have clear beginnings and endings.
Take care.
Judy
Judy, I am taken by the comments as well – and very moved by them. Your story of your day – having 24 years to prepare and, of course, still not being prepared is so poignant. And your insight about not always having clear beginnings and endings – very powerful. Did you notice the words you used… “put your foot down” and then “rise up” – I feel that need – to let something go and then create something from that energy. You are a true blessing Judy – thank you so much for sharing these insights…
In case anyone else was curious, here’s some information regarding the poem that Steve quoted (which truly is lovely, I’m so glad that I read your comment) and its author:
http://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/POEMS/You%20can%20shed%20tears%20that%20she%20is%20gone.htm
I found a lot of truth in your post, Lisa, thank you.
Thank *you* for sharing the information – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking that step! And thank you for the kind words…and I’m touched to know you found truth. 🙂
Lisa, thank you for this post. I held my breath whilst reading it (and didn’t realize I was doing that until I finished). I believe it is so important to be authentic in every facet of my life; I endeavour to be sincere, caring, and honest – sometimes it’s really scary to be one’s self. It’s so true that being so can make me (or anyone) vulnerable … letting go of fear is always the challenge. But the universe (or whatever one chooses to name it) always gives us exactly what we need (even when we don’t realize it’s exactly what we needed).
It is so kind of you to share such intimacy. Thank you.
Tobey,
Your comment is a beautiful self-reflection – and so honest. Thank you for having the courage to share it with us here – it is most genuinely appreciated. And I feel the same way about the Universe… 🙂 Thank you for being here and for your very kind words.
Two resonated with me especially; and by the way I spend the quiet time when thinking about things like this, looking at water ~ for many years it was lake Tahoe, and more recently a very specific view which I have over exposed. http://casudi.posterous.com/a-view-for-all-seasons-cattle-point
~Fear of tearing down the walls to let others get close to you~ this really resonated with me, as especially now with privacy issues related to our online presence. I am perhaps more guarded, maybe I always was. People relate to what is real, and sharing those real details are one reason I so admire you; you are not afraid to share.
~Fear of success~ recently with the entrepreneurs I mentor this has come to the forefront several times. Stay tuned for a post I have in the works “The Reality of Success”
Caroline that view is spectacular. So interesting you choose water as I was just recently told it represents our emotional selves and the beach its boundaries…
Yes, fear of letting others get close has been something very difficult for me – glad that it resonated for you as well and that you’ve taken something from the post. And I look forward to your “Reality of Success” post! Thank you, as always, for being here and for sharing.
Lemme tell you Lisa that your post was really inspiring. Though i could have a hold on my anger and distrust, i could never over come the fear factors. Especially the fear of loss and rejection. I should say that these are some basic negatives that make us wander in the turmoil of life and keep us away from success. Thanks a lot for your good positive thoughts.
This has been a long and trying year for me. Many of the things you listed are holding me back. Just when I feel like I’m ready to move forward something else happens. I’ve tried different avenues in an effort to find the support I need but haven’t found something that really worked. After reading so many blogs and seeing the community it forms I have started my own. I feel like this will be a way for me to express my feelings and be connected. Thank you so much for your inspiration!