I don’t see it, at least not clearly, even though I continue to try…
It’s very difficult to see how people who subscribe to the views of the opposing political party actually view the world in the way they do. The political rhetoric during the last few weeks has made this clearer to me than ever before.
And then there are people who grew up in very different circumstances than those in which I grew up. It’s often difficult to relate to their stories. Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to be fascinated and wholly impressed by them, and to marvel at their life’s experiences, but it’s difficult for me to actually relate to them. I didn’t experience what they did through my own eyes.
Add to this the number of people who don’t feel strongly about some of the things I consider to be vitally important: honoring myself through self-acceptance rather than a constant inner push to meet someone else’s standard, wearing a helmet when bike riding, and eating raviolis on Christmas Eve.
An Unspoken Leadership Challenge
My point? It’s hard enough to live in harmony with those we love, how on Earth can we lead those we simply cannot understand or agree with when it comes to things that are important to us?
Herein lies one of the greatest leadership challenges, one that we rarely talk about: leading people who see the world from an entirely different perspective.
If you think about it, we sometimes go to great lengths as humans to make sure that we don’t know whether we actually see things differently. We have the unwritten rule, “Never talk about politics or religion” and for many years we’ve had, “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
I’m not taking a political stand by mentioning any of this; I’m simply pointing out that we make an effort to avoid knowing if we actually see the world through different colored glasses.
The Pain and Frustration
I’ve recently – in several, very different situations – uttered the words, “How can you not see this?” They were uttered with love and pain, “How can you not see this…what an amazing human being you are…how can you not see and accept yourself just as you are in the way I do?”
They were uttered with frustration-soaked patriotism, “How can you not see this…the way I feel about my country and what I believe in my heart our country needs to do?”
And I’ve uttered these words silently to myself many times during the course of my career, “How can they not see this…how this company could be great if they’d only do xy and z…?”
What Does This Mean for Us as Leaders?
We will never see things in exactly the same way someone else sees them.
Intellectually we all “get” that, but you have to really think about it to understand it in your gut.
I think, as leaders, this is why we need organizational values to hold us together, and why we need to live those values and not give them lip-service.
Two of the most critical leadership values we should live (in our companies AND in our country) must be:
1. To seek to genuinely understand each other; to see things as clearly as we can from the other person’s perspective
2. To treat each other with utmost respect regardless of whether we truly understand or agree with one another
I don’t see enough of our most powerful and influential leaders emulating these values right now.
Do you see what I see?
RELATED POSTS:
The Difficult Follower – Is It You?
3 Powerful Business Words That Can Change Your Whole Outlook
You’re So Vain…You Probably Think This Post is About You
~
Thank you for being here! If you enjoyed this post please share it using the share links below and please subscribe to my blog! Here’s how:
- Subscribe Here to have my blog posts easily delivered to your email in-box the morning they are published.
- To receive posts via “READER” Subscribe Here.
To hire me for Visionary Leadership programs, and to work with me, email me at Lisa@CLevelStrategies.com. You can find me on Twitter at @LisaPetrilli, on Google+ at www.gplus.to/lispetrilli and on LinkedIn. Please let me know you’re a reader when we connect!
Photo is What Do You See in Me? by the monsters inside of us.
23 Response Comments
I see despising. Marginalizing. Ad hominem attacks. And power plays. Not a whole lot of what you’re describing in today’s political scene, however. But I, too, view the world through my own limited set of lenses. And there’s a whole lot I don’t understand…
And therein is the self-awareness, that although we may not see it we can accept the validity of other’s views and know that we just don’t yet understand it. Thanks, Steve!
I think part of the problem is the fact that we expect that if people really understood us, really saw what we saw, then they would agree with us. Understanding is not the same as agreement. I don’t expect to agree with everyone. That would be counterproductive. Instead I hope I see what they see and can move toward them in some ways. Perhaps they can do the same.
Hi Deb, that’s a great point. There is certainly a difference, and our objectives and needs will probably be different depending on whether we’re talking about our teams or our loved ones. Seeking to “see” and understand is critical. For me, if I disagree, I try hard to understand what it was in the person’s experience that brought them to their viewpoint. That usually aids in the process of understanding.
Thanks for adding your insight – I really appreciate it!
grateful I caught your post here on G+, Lisa… Today, we are faced with some of the most combative environments for finding solutions to difficult problems which creates unnecessary blocks. I look forward to many leaders such as yourself to provide an awareness and opportunity to develop safe space for reasonable discussions and problem solving. Thank you!
Bonnie,
We sure are. Thanks for the kind words and I look forward to more discussion on this topic!
i tend to have too much empathy for others. I was VERY involved in politics at a young age. Even wanted to be a female version of Lee Atwater when I grew up. I spent a lot of time “drinking the koolaid” spouting er a regurgitating the rhetoric…then I took a step back.
When I actually became a tax payer, had to balance my own budget I started to see things differently. As you said, if we haven’t walked in someone else’s “pumps” it’s hard to know what they are feeling.
When I worked at a radio station there was a CLEAR division of leadership. Sales vs Promotion vs Programming (even accounting, traffic, production and admin). Everyone had different agendas. I suggested that we should take a day and switch roles to see what it was like.
No one wanted to. I think it would be a great thing to have a National Shoe on the Other Foot day and trade jobs. Have the owner of the company answer phones. The sales people try to be on air. The On-Air people try to sell. accounting work in production and promotion WAKE up and make the coffee…they were always the dreamers. LOL
Anyways…I try to always think about what the other person is feeling. I like to think I am very fair. As a leader you have to get in the trenches and do what it takes to see all sides. That, I believe is what makes a leader. NOT everyone has that in them. they don’t get past the space between their two ears. it’s a shame.
anyways…I am rambling. thanks for a great post! ox
Hi Jessica,
Thanks for sharing your own experiences and for your great thoughts! I don’t think you can be too empathetic actually. To me, empathy is about understanding, the challenge is the right balance of response. It sounds like you always bring positive ideas to the table. By now you have probably realized it’s critical to work with and for people who value those ideas, even if they don’t agree with them. And I agree, a willingness to get in the trenches to understand others is critical to leadership.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your own, real-life experiences here. Jessica! Thank you.
Jessica beat me to it – empathy is central to vision, IMO.
Another key component of being able to entertain another viewpoint is the ability to surrender one’s ego, if only temporarily, in order to allow for the possibility that someone else has a valid point/opinion.
Have you ever tried to look at something with just one eye at a time? Even our own viewpoint is skewed when we only have one of our eyes “reporting in.” We are partially blind to ourself. Our vision only has a chance at being accurate when we incorporate BOTH vantage points – right and left eyes.
In order to possess true leadership, true vision relies upon multiple inputs and understanding.
Molly, so eloquently said – as usual! Such a great point about surrendering one’s ego when seeking to truly understand, and I love how you say vision “relies upon” multiple inputs and understanding. Thank you, as always, for sharing your own perspective here!
Lisa, this is such a powerful post! It’s really true that it’s difficult to see through the eyes of others and to walk a mile in their shoes. I totally agree with Deb Costello, who said that understanding is not the same as agreement. Our country seems to be so polarized in many ways, and I hope that more people, especially our political leaders, will at least start taking action on the areas where we can find common ground. And I love Jessica Northey’s idea about having a National Shoe On The Other Foot Day! @kamkansas
Thank you, Kathy.
Yes, it’s easy to talk about it and much harder to do! And I agree with you – wonderful ideas and insights from these comments! Thank you for always being willing to share yours here!
Anytime you refuse to consider or even listen to a differing position, you have decided there is no possibility that someone else could also be right. Any opportunity for negotiation or collaboration is lost when everyone is unwilling to consider the possibilty of another answer.
Doug,
Well said!
Hi Lisa. Yours is a most refreshing point of view. I wish we were unafraid to discuss politics, religion and anything else where good people can disagree. We lose the opportunity to understand the opposing views through discourse and debate. Often we share common values and only disagree in the methods to achieve the goals of our values. Our core values can be the foundation to build consensus and achieve great things collectively.
I wish we were too, Christopher. I learn so much when I can be honest about my viewpoint and listen to someone explain theirs to me. And what a great way to put it, “our core values can be the foundation to…achieve great things.” Thank you for this!
Thanks for sharing, Lisa.
There is no question that each of us view life through our own lens of projection conditioned through beliefs, values, and life experiences.
So, before one can move to a level of understanding one must first embrace empathy and compassion for another’s point of view. Without seeing through the other person’s lens of projection no level of explanation will ever make sense. Which leads me to believe that in order to *see* another’s view we must move from merely thinking with our head to feeling with our heart.
A practice I remind myself of regularly.
I appreciate you.
Greg, You have such a way about you that makes it seem so obvious. If only others would embrace their own heart the way you have! I appreciate you as well – thank you for sharing your beautiful insights and self here!
Great article. As a parent of 3 kids, I hope I am teaching my kids well to have an opinion derived from critical thinking and not be afraid to share it and discuss it with others and be prepared to defend your opinion. I think we need to start there as well as lead by example to get us back on track. We can’t tackle tough issues if we are constantly beating around the bush and not speaking candidly about our views. But what do I know, I’m a typical white conservative… probably a racist who also threw his mom to the curb once she needed help from him. But doh! I married a Mexican girl and yeah, my mother lives with us, so we can take care of her in her later years. There goes the stereotype, right out the window.
Thanks, Richard. The fact that you’re consciously teaching your kids to form and express an opinion through critical thinking is laudable. You’re right – it’s where this starts, and if we lose our own ability to understand our own perspective then we’re much less able to pull lessons and insights from another person’s point of view.
Cheers to being able to speak candidly, and with respect while doing so! Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!
My daily work as a career coach puts me in contact every day with people who don’t see things the way I do.
They see themselves as worthless, jobless, valueless and unable to get a job because they don’t have a degree, are too old, too young, or because their reusume doesn’t have the right key words on it.
And then I ask them about their jobs, what they did for others, why that mattered to them, how did the impact they make… make a difference.
What they tell me is stories:
How they saved the company from bankruptcy by avoiding a major client (50% of sales) from walking to the competion.
They tell me about the time they created a database worth 60 Million dollars in sales.
They tell me about the time a manufacturing line went down and it would take 6 weeks and $2 Million dollars, so they called their friends at the competition who gladly sent them a part to get back in business in 24 hours.
They tell me how they turned around the payables department and collected 1.4 Million dollars PER DAY for several months.
The don’t see it how I see it, until I ask them to tell me their stories.
Then when they do, they simply see things from my point of view. They see how valuable, precious and worthy they are. And they start treating themselves like they are valuable.
After that, the job finds them.
If you want to see, check out my testimonials, in their own words, the difference it makes to have someone see inside themselves from your point of view – I see incredible value and then they do too.
http://srkinc.com/testimonials.pdf
Wanna know the best part? I have a ton of fun knowing that I’m going on a gold mine discovery journey each time a client comes to meet me. Each conversation is a delight of discovery and shifting points of view.
Alan,
What a brilliant way to describe what you do…”going on a gold mine discovery journey each time a client comes to meet me.” I love that! You are blessed to have the ability to empower others to see inside themselves! Thanks for sharing such beautiful stories!