Have you ever sat down next to someone at a party only to find out later that you were meant to sit there and to meet that person? So it was with Eric Lukazewski and me when we met unceremoniously during lunch at the recent SOBCon Conference and went on to have a genuinely spiritual conversation over fajitas. It was a conversation that enabled me to see more clearly how I was meant to be at that conference in order to gain awareness of my own need to begin creating.
This post is inspired by Eric’s artistically-written and insightful post entitled, “Death to Habits and the Vanilla Box.”
Eric claims that, “Despite freedom beyond extraordinary limitations, most of us are still boxed in by tradition and habitual conformity.” And he goes on to say, “We design around a vanilla box of standards that our habits have allowed us to fall in love with.”
I think he’s right in so many ways.
I recently overheard an executive say that they don’t hire “corporate types” at their (smaller, entrepreneurial) company because you only learn one way to do things at corporations and they want people who can “think out of the box.” Is there any truth to this?
I’ve been sick of the term “think outside the box” for what feels like at least a decade but Eric’s post got me wondering if “how we grow up” as leaders really does lead us to build a vanilla box around ourselves that we get comfortable with.
If you reflect upon your leadership style, your communication style, your management and mentoring style, do you find that perhaps you’ve built a vanilla box of comfort that works in a particular environment and has made you successful in a particular environment that you haven’t gotten outside of for a very long time? If so, is that a bad thing?
In my case, I realized the enormity and strength of the vanilla box I had built around myself on the night before I launched this blog. It was such a powerful lesson…I wanted so badly to get outside of my box of structure, thinking and analysis that, to be honest, had been created in a male-dominated world and to bring “a twist of goddess power” – and my whole creative self – out of that box and into the world with this blog as a starting point.
And the fear got to me.
I knew how to be effective and successful when I lived, worked and created inside that box of thinking, analysis, structure and rules, but was unsure I’d be as effective and successful outside of the box – in the more creative part of the world…even though it was where I really wanted to go play!
I know I’ve said it before but it begs repeating – how ironic that it was a man who told me that the only way I was going to be true to myself was to get outside of that male-dominated box and allow the part of me that wanted to share my feminine side – my “goddess powers” as I playfully refer to them – to finally shine through… He was absolutely right.
So…is there something outside of your vanilla box that is enticing you? Have you peeked out and been afraid to jump?
Have you conformed to a leadership style, a success strategy – or perhaps even a career – that may no longer be serving you, and if so, how might you gain power, energy and momentum by jumping out of that box?
Empower yourself…peek outside your vanilla box and start to dream!
Please share your thoughts and insights in the comments…I would be honored to read them!
(I’d also be honored if you’d consider subscribing here!)
…Photo is Vanilla Bean Cupcakes With Ganache Filling by jamieanne.
23 Response Comments
The fear got to you…but only for a little while. Then you “straight-flushed” it (and we’re glad you did.
If only we’ll get in the habit, each day, of asking “Well, why not??” when we have creative or out-of-the-box thoughts – we’ll be a lot less vanilla. And that’s why we need other flavorful thinkers/doers surrounding us.
Steve,
I think the fear was actually with me for quite a while, which is why it took an experience like SOBCon just to get me to the brink. 🙂 But I love your reminder to ask, “why not?” And I love your comment about “other flavorful thinkers and doers.” I feel so blessed to have so many of them in my life – including you!
Thank you for your amazing support of my journey and this blog!! 🙂
Lisa, thanks so much for inspiring my thoughts and detailing the idea of the “vanilla box” in a way only you can. It has been an honor knowing you and being motivated by your experiences and wisdoms.
This issue of comfort avoids almost nobody. Even when we find the means to build outside of our box, in end THAT becomes a baseline for a NEW box, if we decide to fall in love and remain there.
I’m thrilled to hear your story of courage and success from breaking from your box and looking your fear in the eyes, and refusing to back away from it.
You’re doing amazing things. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it.
Eric,
The honor and inspiration is entirely mutual!
Thank you for the reminder that it’s likely the world I’m currently creating in may become a new box if I don’t continue to reinvent myself! As for courage – well, it took a bit more of a push to get me to jump – but it felt great when I finally did. 🙂
All the best with your new creation, Eric, and thank you for your support of my new world as well!
Many of us are slammed right into the “box” out of college by a false belief that happiness is a corporate job and a mortgage. It’s difficult to decide what you are really good at, who you really are, and have the faith to go for it. I’m reminded of the elf in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He wanted to be a dentist but nobody would let him, it took an ordeal to make him finally go for it. 🙂
Tim,
I just *love* that we’re talking Hermey the elf on this blog today! Yes! You are so right…he was stuck in a box that others had built for him rather than himself. I didn’t even think of that with this post but it’s so relevant as well. Are our vanilla boxes a product of our habits we’ve grown up with or sometimes boxes we’ve been placed in and for whatever reason have agreed to stay in?
Great thoughts and analogy, Tim! Thank you for taking the time to comment. 🙂
“Despite freedom beyond extraordinary limitations, most of us are still boxed in by tradition and habitual conformity.”
This quote from Eric’s post is powerful. It applies to every decision we make, both professional and personal. So much of what we do or don’t do is based on our vanilla box of conformity, habits and perceived comfort.
In the last 2 years I have begun working outside of my vanilla box and the results have been immediate. Not only have I found success professionally, but I enjoy a sense of pride and confidence knowing I’m no longer trapped by invisible barriers.
“I wanted so badly to get outside of my box of structure, thinking and analysis that, to be honest, had been created in a male-dominated world and to bring “a twist of goddess power” – and my whole creative self – out of that box and into the world with this blog as a starting point.”
I’m excited that I found your blog. I need a twist of goddess power in my life – we all do. Excellent post! This has been a great way to start my morning!
Drew,
I am so glad you found me too! 🙂
Thrilled to hear how immediate and profound the impact was for you of getting beyond your own vanilla box – that is incredibly inspiring to someone who’s still a newbie at playing outside that box.
And I love that you’re one of the guys who can see the importance of that goddess power in your own life – I have so much respect for the amazing and masculine males who do!
Thank you for stopping by, for tweeting and for taking the time to comment – it means so much to me!
By the way, it was the book “Linchpin” by Seth Godin that turned me on to this idea.
Interesting…I read it as well but I don’t think it inspired me in the same way it clearly did for you. 🙂
Thanks for letting me – and the readers – know!
It may have inspired me differently because I worked in Corporate America for several years. Linchpin helped me realize how much that environment conditioned how I thought and made decisions. I had succumbed to the mentality that doing what I was told was more important than creativity and thinking outside of the vanilla box.
🙂
I spent 12 years in corporate America – so I can fully appreciate what you’re referring to!
I bet you still kicked butt! 🙂
Well, I certainly like to think that I did… 🙂
I was fortunate to have some pretty unique and inspiring experiences, managers and team members to share those 12 years with.
Very nice post Lisa. I tried my best to avoid conformity and what I thought was settling for a long time which lead me to job hopping. I didn’t want to get comfortable and maybe have to admit to myself that this is as good as it gets so almost like clock work after a year I’d say, that was fun, now what else?
Fast fwd to present time, I have been at my current place of employment for a little over 3yrs…They treat me well, it’s a mile from where I live, I can wear jeans and a T, I have the freedom in my position to be creative and I find my job rewarding and yes, I am VERY comfortable here. Is this as good as it gets…?
From time to time I do need to remind myself that I am more than my job title, more than a 9-5er. I focus on doing whatever tasks at hand with purpose, pride and passion and I embrace my hobbies and am very mindful of keeping an active personal/social life outside of my “work box”.
Great post Lisa!
Lindsay,
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own challenges with your box.
I love that you talk about freedom because I truly believe that is what Eric was getting at in his post – the type of freedom where we are true to ourselves. It sounds like you are doing that by living fully outside of that box – so kudos to you and to your wonderful sense of awareness!
Thank you for taking the time to comment and to share, I hope you’ll be back often. All my best…
Hi Lisa,
Such an interesting topic. I read Eric’s post. Very provocative. I, too, agree with you that the phrase “think outside the box” has lost its impact. It is standard business language these days, but very few businesses really promote it and those that do it.
I guess my take on a lot of this is that we are creatures of habit. This is not necessarily bad, it just is. We are nurtured in a womb, moved to a bassinet, to a crib, playpen, all part of a bigger box we call a home or house. We ride in boxes called buses, cars, carriages, we keep our precious belongings in wonderful boxes- drawers, jewelry boxes, almost eveything that has importance to us comes in a box. We have treasure chests…the list goes on. We try to train our pets, but you know what? They like feeling like they are in a cave…it is nature. And with any luck we are all lovingly laid to rest in a fresh pine box.
Pete Seeger sang the mantra…and a few generations hoped they wouldn’t be found in “Tiny Boxes”
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes
Little boxes
Little boxes all the same
There’s a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
And the people in the houses all go to the university
And they all get put in boxes, little boxes all the same
And there’s doctors and there’s lawyers
And business executives
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same
And they all play on the golf course and drink their martini dry
And they all have pretty children and the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university
And they all get put in boxes, and they all come out the same
And the boys go into business and marry and raise a family
And they all get put in boxes, little boxes all the same
There’s a green one, and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
Tonight I am thinking that the operative word in the phrase “think outside the box” is THINK!
Sharing is the next step.
Judy
Judy,
As always your comments are insightful, straightforward and they get me thinking.
These lyrics remind me of a guy I dated in college – I know, right? – but I remember him saying to me that his whole life revolved around a box. I think perhaps he was more insightful than I gave him credit for, because it’s only been recently upon reflection that I can see how I may have built a box solely based on one company and one outlook – even though I have been blessed to have somewhat worldly experiences and opportunities.
I love that you are focused on the word think – I think it’s wonderful that you found the operative word for YOU! For each of us, it’s a different word – for me, perhaps “Create” outside the box. 🙂
As always, thank you for sharing yourself here!
Hi Lisa ….
1. What’s Vanilla?
2. What’s A Box?
I do a lot of rambling in this vid response….as well as my nose isn’t centered – oh my, oh well 🙂
Celebrate Diversity ……. I think I’m going to ….peek INSIDE the vanilla box and start to dream 🙂
http://www.twitvid.com/OOH8P
Cate,
I know I told you this in person but I just love that you feel no sense of box around you…I am inspired to be more like you! And I appreciate how much time you spend thinking about my posts, and even reviewing Eric’s post so that you could share your own perspective here.
Most importantly, I love that you are looking at this post from a whole different perspective and deciding to peek inside – what a great lesson for someone like me! Thank you, Cate! You rock. 🙂
This post took me some time to wrap my head around it. I needed to reflect on the different shoes people wear and try and walk in them for a moment. It is probably the hardest thing we can do as humans…stepping outside our comfort zone. It all stems from the way we carried ourselves when we were very young I suppose. I myself was afraid to change professions out of loyalty to my team. The company left we with little choice but it was definitely hard to leave my vanilla box and leap into a new era. It reminded me though that fear always comes as part of the package in a new venture, but confidence in oneself and surrounding yourself with the right people you visions and dreams will come true. I love your work Lisa. Hugs
Jonathan,
You and I are going to have to have a real chat sometime about what it was that you went through. Sounds like quite a transition.
You impress me as someone who is not only confident, as you mention, but truly insightful as well. The fact that you are looking for the right people to surround yourself with to empower your dreams and visions says amazing things about you – you must be a true joy to collaborate with! I’m honored to have you as a friend and as a reader and value all of your insights that you are sharing here! Hugs right back… 🙂