As most of you know, I’m a staunch champion of strategies that help introverts succeed in business and leadership. This is why I’m elated to have Jennifer Kahnweiler Ph.D., author of the new book, “The Genius of Opposites,” here as a guest author. Jennifer has written a book that not only helps introverts succeed, it helps introverts and extroverts tap into the genius of each other for true collaborative greatness.
I asked Jennifer a few questions about how her book helps introverts and extroverts empower themselves, communicate effectively, and influence high-level executives and decision makers. I hope you’ll find her insights as powerful as I do:
LISA: Jennifer, my business focus has shifted to self-empowerment and the importance it plays in authentic leadership. How does your book help business leaders empower themselves, and how does it lead to more authentic leadership?
JENNIFER: I love that you are focusing on self-empowerment, Lisa. In doing research for this latest book, I was struck by how successful introvert-opposite pairs start first with themselves. They get to know the strengths and biases of their own wiring and how these can potentially cross with their opposite. I call it “Accepting the Alien”. Effective leaders realize that they can’t change their opposite but they can accept them and life then becomes much less stressful. For instance, an introvert needs quiet time and an extrovert needs time to download his/her ideas. By sharing these preferences with opposite team members, they honor their own disposition AND those of their partner. This authentic leadership can impact the whole organization by creating a culture of trust and openness.
LISA: You mention in your book the challenge we introverts face when we are speaking very purposefully (and slowly, in the eyes of extroverts), and how this makes extroverts impatient. I myself have experienced times when I’ve been speaking to a group of 3-4 people at a networking event, or in a work setting, and one of the extroverts just cuts me off and moves on. What do you counsel introverts to do in this situation when they are not dealing with “partners” or colleagues with whom they can work on this over time?
JENNIFER: Great question, Lisa. Extroverts often go so fast that they are simply unaware that they are cutting people off. They can mistake even an introvert’s short pause as an invitation to jump in. This is a case where enthusiasm and self-expression can be interrupted as rudeness (and it may very well be rudeness!). I would suggest not letting the extrovert’s action stop you from completing your thought. It is fine to break in with a statement like, “As I was just saying…” Or “let me finish this story.” Typically, the extrovert won’t even mind you continuing (unless they are a totally self-centered jerk).
You also might try making eye contact with someone else in the group and directing your words to them. It may be less intimidating than confronting the extrovert head on. The group will appreciate hearing what you have to say.
LISA: Your book does a brilliant job of laying out strategies and tools for introverts and extroverts who work together to use over time. How can an introvert or extrovert apply the principles of your book to people like higher-ups in their company with whom they may interact very infrequently, or high-level client decision makers?
JENNIFER: Thank you! The Genius of Opposite tool is applicable to relationships above, across and outside the organization. It is a 5 step framework that helps you to stay focused on results and not get stuck in your differences. Readers can take the quiz on our website (HERE) or in the book. They can also download written and audio excerpts there.
Decide what your purpose is in meeting with that decision maker and then decide where your energy will best be spent. For instance, you may want to play a stronger role in advocating for your project. Action steps from “Cast The Character” will help with that. Or perhaps you need to tap into their experience as you tackle a new customer and bring them along on your next client meeting. You will find ideas in the chapter “Each Can’t Offer Everything.”
When preparing for your interaction with a more senior person it always helps to prepare. I remember making a case to the CFO of an organization I worked in. As part of my prep I boned up by reviewing the company’s P &L statement. It wasn’t easy for this math phobic but it helped so much in persuading the CFO to devote resources to my department. Similarly, learn more about introverts and extroverts. Flex your style, speak their language and you will be so much more effective and confident with higher ups.
LISA: Thank you, Jennifer! Wishing you all the very best with the launch of The Genius of Opposites!
Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, Ph.D., CSP, is a global speaker and bestselling author hailed as a “Champion of Introverts.” Her books, The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength andQuiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference have sold over 60,000 copies and been translated into 14 languages. Her newest book is The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Create Extraordinary Results Together, available on Amazon HERE.
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