Well, you had to know this was coming.
We’ve spent the last few weeks focusing on how introverts can succeed in leadership and business, and now it’s time to switch gears a bit and put the spotlight on extraverts.
If you haven’t yet read the cornerstone post for this series, The Introvert’s Guide to Leadership, you should do so before reading on so you’ll better understand the difference between introversion and extraversion. Thank you!
Now, extraverts please take this to heart: how you lead us introverts has a tremendous amount to do with how successful we are when we work for you. To be more successful, you have to want us to be more successful.
Here are 3 critical things you can do to empower our greatest success, and thus your own in the process:
1. Give us time to think.
As extraverts, you have a preference for talking out loud about problems as your approach to understanding them better and getting to solutions. But that is not the case for us introverts.
Our reactions to your ideas take place inside our heads. Our preference is to reflect on them and to get clear on them before we begin to express ourselves.
So, if you are leading a meeting with your team or a group of people and you suggest an idea or ask us a question, it’s imperative that you give us some time to think about your idea and reflect on it.
It’s also imperative that you not perceive our initial, quiet reaction as either (1) that we aren’t smart enough or insightful enough to have an answer for you or (2) that we are not decisive enough to have an opinion. Neither could be further from the truth.
Know that we are giving your ideas our deepest respect through our reflection, and that we want to be very clear about our response before we begin talking.
2. Meet with us one-on-one and in small groups.
Further to the previous point, we hate being put on the spot in a meeting, and we hate it even more if the meeting is comprised of a large group of people!
Don’t put us in that position. It’s not empowering for us, and thus not for you as our leader.
As introverts we are most comfortable alone or in very small groups. So, instead, meet with us one-on-one or in groups of two or three to run your ideas by us prior to a big meeting. Give us time to think about your ideas and for us to share our own thoughts with you. Give us time to meet separately in small groups to build on your ideas and then meet with us again as individuals to make sure we’re all on the same page.
When the larger meeting takes place you’ll be amazed at the difference and the stellar results you’ll see.
3. Never assume.
I work with someone who is “way out there” on the extravert scale. In a recent conversation he recited a litany of reasons why we should do something, and he said them all so fast that when he finally stopped to take a breath he heard silence on my end of the phone.
His next statement? “You hate it. I always know when you don’t say anything that you hate it.”
It wasn’t true! It was just so much for me to think about and to reflect on and I told him that – “I’m an introvert. I’m simply mulling it over and thinking about how we could make it happen…”
So, never make assumptions when you are leading introverts. Always, always ask.
And then really listen.
Never assume that their lack of response means they do not like something. Don’t assume that if they appear more reserved in general, or seem quiet or uncomfortable at large company events, that it has anything to do with you as the leader. It doesn’t.
And please do not assume that if they spend a lot of time alone in their office that they are not a “team player.” Introverts re-energize by spending time alone with their ideas and by creating clarity around their strategies and next steps. It benefits the entire team, and you as their leader, to accept this and encourage it. (Trust us on this!)
Bonus Section for Introverts! What to do if your extraverted boss forgets and puts you on the spot in a big meeting?
Let’s say you’ve shared this blog post with your extraverted leader and they accidentally forget and put you on the spot in a meeting. What do you do?
Don’t panic. I’ve learned over time the best thing to do is to answer, but on my own, introverted terms:
“Lisa, what do you think we should do?”
“Well, before we make a firm decision I believe we need to consider the impact that Option A will have on how our customer perceives our messaging, and Option B has strategic implications for the entire marketing team. May we have a bit more discussion around this?”
What am I doing?
- Bringing the extravert into my thought process so that they understand what I’m still thinking about and why I’m not ready to say “A” or “B”
- Ensuring that the extravert doesn’t jump in too quickly without all the facts and strategies clarified, which is something that extraverts admit to being prone to do – this is why we’re a great balance for each other!
I hope these suggestions were helpful to extravert leaders and their introverted team members alike.
What’s your advice for extraverts who lead introverts? Please share in the comments – I look forward to your perspective!
~
UPDATE: My new eBook, “The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership” is NOW AVAILABLE! You may Download it at www.TheIntrovertsGuide.net for only $7.99 or BUY IT at Amazon for Kindle!
This 60+ page eBook is for introverts who want to use their introversion to their advantage in business and leadership, and for extroverts who lead introverts and wish to be more effective leaders.
This series was inspired by this post by my friend Mack Collier.
Photo is Dune Walkway to Beach by rockmixer.
18 Response Comments
Hi Lisa
I read this and laughed at the first line. Great writing style and some great advice.
But as an extravert I also think there is a bit of give and take here. Both types need some flexibility. Sometimes we need an instant response and it is ok to ask and sometimes it is not.
We all have introvert and extravert parts to us and I am an extravert feeling type but with introvert intuition. This means I am not that comfortable with brain storming, I like to do it internally but sometimes I have to do it as an extravert. I can often come up with an idea and have spent time on it internally so get quite upset when it is instantly knocked back by another extravert.
We all have both types inside us in some way or another and I think we need to keep in mind we are also each unique and our approach to things is different (even between one introvert and another or one extravert and another). We should be respectful of all differences and enjoy our diversity.
This is a great conversation though and has really got me thinking more deeply about what goes to make up our personality. I hope I havent got all preachy by the way.
Ali,
Thank you so much and of course, I couldn’t agree with you more in regard to we all tap into I and E to varying degrees and depending on the situation. And certainly, we must all be flexible and sometimes an answer is needed immediately. I’m completely with you on that.
I love that this has you thinking more deeply and never fear getting preachy (which you didn’t) – I learn so much from the brilliant people in this community and want to hear what’s on your mind, regardless of the tone! Thank you for taking the time to share here, it genuinely means a lot to me!
This is SO true. I am a personality trainer and extreme extrovert. You have captured EXACTLY what extroverts interpret in introvert’s silence. And I just started laughing at the section on listening. I should SO listen! This post would be excellent for every company with more than one employee!!!!!
(see all those exclamation points? extravert)
I love this, Mary – because I love that it completely resonates with you and I absolutely adore all the cap letters and exclamation points. 🙂 I am honored to know that it was a valuable read for you – thank you so much for sharing that and for taking the time to share your thoughts! All the very best…
Lisa, once again you totally nail it!! Thank you for inspiring me daily. Would it be wrong for me to wear a copy of the post pinned to my shirt? (Tired of being misunderstood!) Love how you advocated for all, but especially for those of us who are introverted. You’re bringing about the conversation and an avenue for people to ultimately better understand one another – so vital in order for people to feel valued.
LOL and Thank you so much, Alyssa! Your kind words mean the world to me and if you can get a whole post onto a t-shirt then go for it! 🙂 I’m glad that you see it as helping the conversation and enabling us to understand each other better. That is all I can hope for ! Honored to have you here with me for the journey…all the very best!
An introvert, stepping in briefly here to say *thank you* for this whole article, but specifically this line:
“And please do not assume that if they spend a lot of time alone in their office that they are not a “team player.”
This is one of the reasons I decided to work for myself: it was like hitting my head against a wall trying to fight that ‘not a team player’ label.
The introverts in an organization often will care far more deeply about the issues on the table. THey will take it home with them, mentally, and dream on it, mull on it in the bathtub, and sit for hours thinking of a solution. We often carry far more weight of problems than may be apparent. We just tend to not vocalize our passion or thoughts as much.
Organizations need this kind of thinking and processing. It brings a different level of creativity and problem solving to the table. Lisa, thanks so much for helping extroverts understand introvert motivations better 🙂
we live in a world where things get so easily misinterpreted, I want to clarify “often will care far more deeply”. I didn’t mean that in comparison with extroverts caring. I meant it like “than is perceived” 🙂
It came across beautifully and well-intentioned. 🙂
Reese,
You’re welcome, and to be honest, I had a feeling that would really resonate as I’ve seen that in action within the corporate world so many times… You stated the commitment that we make to truly diving into the issues so eloquently – thank you so much for that and I’m thrilled to see that you made the decision to go out on your own. I hope you’re gloriously happy working for yourself! All the best…!
Lisa,
Enjoying reading your series. I think that the magic of the extroverts leading introverts is that maybe every extrovert is a little bit of an introvert and every introvert has their moments of being an extrovert.
I know sometimes I refer you to movies…but if you want to see a funny sort of off the wall comedy about this topic…see “Cedar Rapids”.
One bit of housekeeping while I am here. I don’t think you CommentLUV plug-in is stable. Sometimes it works in some browser, and sometimes not at all.
Have a great weekend.
Judy
Thank you, Judy. And yes, that is true of all of us. Depending on the situation and our role we will tap into different places on the scale. Sorry about the plug-in…gotta love technology. 🙂 Have a lovely weekend!
You have a really interesting blog!!!
Thank you 🙂
I’m an introvert too offline and I love this post. It’s helpful information and ideas.
Thank you, Becky.
I am not going to lie. I prefer C-level strategies. But I am an introvert mixed extrovert. So you can see why my preferences might deviate, it seems.
You bring up some good points about what to do when the conditions apply, but it seems you also drag in some implications, hopefully unintentionally. When introverts are being led by an extrovert, it applies. I just don’t like your use of, “…how you lead us introverts…” Do you really mean to imply that all introverts are all being lead by extraverts? As an introvert, I find that it’s NOT the case that I naturally assume a subordinate position to extraverts in a group setting, i.e. my introversion does not assist in the formation of a leader-follower relationship with myself at the submissive side. It’s my introversion, I think, that makes me averse to participating in any leader-follower setting. I really don’t think I need a leader at all, and that is mostly because of my introversion, not despite it, as it enables me to come up with my own ideas that are better done by getting AROUND the leader and bypassing any kind of management, rather than passed on to a higher-up for appraisal. And my introversion itself only amplifies its own leaderless tendencies, as I pursue more introverted career paths in which I experience little interference from leaders, or from those who think they are my leaders. Maybe for a woman it’s different. But for man like myself, it could be possible that introversion, when combined with masculinity, makes it especially important to ward off the attempts of other men to make me subordinate based on the assumption that introverts, being perceived as having a social disadvantage, are the low-hanging fruit of potential followership. I’m especially cautious of accepting any kind of leader, especially if that person is extraverted. I find the assumption that as an introvert I will naturally assume a receptive position for a leader to be quite appaling. Yet it happens so often that I find it often empowers myself more than the supposed leader. They perceive my introversion to mean that my following them is so certain, that I can often gain the upper hand over their management tactics just with the element of surprise alone. You might want to write an article about how powerful an introverted (supposed) followership can really be, and what “leaders” might need to fear. You know, it’s not all about extraverts learning how not to put the introverts on the spot.