A few weeks ago I was enjoying a relaxed Sunday brunch in Atlanta with friends when the exceptionally intuitive woman sitting next to me said, “You’re happy but you’re not really happy.” At the time, I thought – all things considered – I was pretty happy. So my response was a simple, “I’m not??”
She said she could tell I was tempering my happiness, so during my flight home I pondered what would cause me to do such a thing. The answer came in those three words mentioned above: “all things considered.” My concern for friends and loved ones going through difficult times came to mind, along with the everyday challenges we all face in our careers. And I realized something that was critically affecting my life:
I wasn’t giving myself permission to simply be happy – entirely, wholly, utterly happy. Instead, I was giving permission to these other factors swirling around me to temper my personal happiness out of a sense of guilt, responsibility and maybe even a smidgen of fear. In my head, this sounded a bit like: “How could I be happy when people I love were going through difficult times? How could I be happy when there was so much to do at work? If I allow myself complete happiness, won’t that mean I’ll stop trying so hard?”
These thoughts are irrational in every way, but how many of you have thought them as well? Exactly.
This is why I believe it’s more important than ever, as our world grows in complexity and level of stress, that we simply choose to be happy without any reservation. It’s time to give ourselves permission to be happy, because no one else is going to do this for us.
- We need to stop waiting for the planets to align or for someone else to do something that seemingly justifies our own happiness
- We need to stop waiting for business conditions to be perfect and thus justify our happiness
- We need to recognize situations where we unknowingly give other people permission to keep us down. It’s important to understand that no one can keep us down without our permission…this is an inner, human truth. We can always rise above.
- We need to let go of any guilt we have about being happy or about being successful. Here’s the thing: there is enough success and happiness in this world to go around for everyone! We do not need to minimize our own happiness or success in the hopes others will benefit. They won’t, because as individuals we control our own destiny in regard to happiness and our definition of success. Dimming our own light simply dims the amazing impact we can have on the planet by shining it radiantly! Imagine if we all chose to be happy…
- Giving yourself permission to do something is freeing. When I realized what was happening and gave myself permission to just be happy, I felt luminously free.
As leaders, we are used to giving other people permission. Honor yourself, and everyone around you, by giving yourself permission to by happy. Choose happiness and change your life. Transform your life, and then watch how your leadership transforms as well!
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Photo by L. Marie.
6 Response Comments
Love, love, LOVE this, Lisa! It’s so true. On my laptop desktop I have a pictur that says ‘you have permission to be who you are’ and this really resonates with me. It’s okay to be happy, it’s okay to be successsful, it’s absolutely okay to be who you are in every circumstance. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank you, Vanessa! What a great quote on your desktop! In the work I do at “To Be A Woman” we talk about not only being who you are, but being MORE of who you are and less of who you are not. Thank you so much for being here – I’m honored to know the post meant something to you!
Thanks for the pep talk. I am what is called a centrovert ~ depending on the situation, I morph into introversion or extroversion. (I think that there are many more of us centroverts out there than is popularly believed.) Surfing from one gestalt to another, it’s hard to remember that a core belief should be to relax and be happy. However, complacency is not the precursor or the key to happiness; it is to accept that to live is to energetically and creatively adjust to circumstances.
Ken, it sounds like you are centered on the Extroversion-Introversion scale without a real preference, which I am sure is true of a number of people. Please know that I did not say relax – because that would be a hard one for me! Certainly complacency is not a recommendation of mine either. But we make choices every day regarding how we will live and the kind of energy we will radiate. I am becoming more aware of my own energy and trying to focus on gratitude and happiness as I adjust to circumstances (as you so eloquently point out!). Thank you so much for being here and taking time to comment, I sincerely appreciate it!
This is an excellent post , retweeted it @nikolairay
Giving yourself permission to be happy is all about self-awareness. It is so easy for us, leaders, to get caught up in the hundreds of daily tasks and events, and lose our grip on what is truly important here and now.
Lisa, you might enjoy reading this article I posted last month : http://nikolairay.net/sitting-in-the-garden-of-life/
I look forward to continue reading your excellent posts, and would love to connect with you further!
Thank you so much, Nikolai! I loved your post. It sounds like you are genuinely connected to the I AM within you – to your True Self. It’s always inspiring for me to hear this from others! It’s a pleasure to be connected and I appreciate having you here. All the best!