Margie Clayman, my fellow blogger and Twitter friend who I have come to respect tremendously, mentioned in her response to my post earlier this week entitled, “Leadership Development: Mastering the Powerful Art of Praise,” that how we accept praise as leaders is worth close examination.
I couldn’t agree with her more. How we accept praise says so much about who we are, our level of confidence, our character and to what degree we believe the praise is warranted. So let’s examine…
Praise and Gifts
Well-given praise is a gift.
When we receive a gift we receive a form of praise that says, “You’re worthy of this gift.”
I’ve mentioned in the past that the greatest gift I ever received in my life is the one that was the most difficult to receive for this very reason. It was the gift of a kidney from a vibrant and beautiful woman at my church whom I had never met, and it came with a proverbial card that said, “you are worthy of me risking my life.”
I learned so much about myself and about accepting gifts from that transformative experience. I learned that the most beautiful gift I could give in return was to simply say, “Thank you,” and then to live and value each day that came as an accessory to this awe-inspiring gift.
On the other hand, questioning the gift – and my own worthiness of it – would have made it emotionally more difficult for my donor, and the experience would not have been as beautiful and joyful.
Accepting Praise as Leaders
I believe that accepting praise in the business world, and as leaders, holds the same lesson. There is no more powerful gift to the giver of heartfelt praise than a simple, heartfelt, “Thank you” in reply. Yet so often we give something else…
1. We minimize our worthiness instead with the business equivalent of, “Oh, you shouldn’t have, I couldn’t possibly accept this…” Now the giver has to respond with something that affirms either the recipient’s worthiness or that ends up putting the focus back on themself: the business equivalent of “Yes, you really deserve this,” or, “I really wanted to do something for you.”
We are, in essence, making it more difficult for the giver when we do this, usually without realizing it.
2. We degrade the value of the giver’s praise with, “Aw shucks, I was just doing my job.” Now the giver has to respond with more affirmation, “Well, you may have just been doing your job but you implemented beautifully…” Once again it requires more work of the giver, and now the giver is put in a position of having to prove their praise was warranted.
3. We peel back the curtains on our lack of confidence. If we struggle to accept praise that is genuinely given in a heartfelt manner, then we are demonstrating an underlying lack of confidence in ourselves, in our abilities and in our accomplishments. Sometimes we also demonstrate a lack of confidence in our relationship with the giver.
While all of this provides great insight for us, it does not provide the giver the gift of our acceptance.
The Power of “Thank You”
Somewhere over the course of time many of us have come to believe that following the words, “Thank you” with a whole diatribe on how we’re not worthy makes us appear humble, polite and respectful.
The truth is that the most powerful gift we can give to someone who praises us is to look them in the eyes and say, “Thank you” with confidence, humility and genuine appreciation.
Show someone that you value their praise and watch how they expand with joy. Your confident, “Thank you” can be a transformative gift in its own right!
What are your thoughts on this? Does this resonate with you or has your experience taught you something different?
Please share your insights in the comments!
RELATED POSTS:
Leadership is a Gift. Four Signs You’re Worthy
Five Signs You’re a Magnetic Leader
~
If you enjoyed this post please share it with others using the share links below. I would also be honored if you would subscribe to my blog! Here’s how:
- Subscribe Here to have my blog posts easily delivered to your email in-box the morning they are published.
- To receive posts via “READER” Subscribe Here.
To hire me for Visionary Leadership programs, Magnetic Marketing Consulting or for the Social Media Concierge program, email me at Lisa@CLevelStrategies.com.
Thank you for reading and for being part of this community – it means so much to me.
You can find me on Twitter at @LisaPetrilli and on LinkedIn. Please let me know you’re a reader when we connect!
Photo is Wrapped Gifts Retirement Party by StevenDepolo.
23 Response Comments
Wow – I love the premise behind this post! Such a simple but powerful message. I think people gift us not just with praise and reward but also with their insight and perspective. I try to see feedback and constructive criticism from people I respect as a gift too. It says to me “you are worthy of my effort to help you improve”. If someone takes time from their day to guide me, I say thank you! Thanks for a great post (again!)
Thanks so much, Gaby! It’s wonderful that you say that because next week at #LeadershipChat we’ll be talking about constructive feedback, and in my prep post I talk about it as a gift as well. Love that we’re on the same page!! I hope you’ll join us next Tuesday evening because it would be wonderful to further explore the topic with you. All the best and thanks for sharing your experiences here.
Thanks Lisa, I’ll definitely try and drop by! I love #leadershipchat and always catch up on the transcripts (yes – I’m a postscript lurker!!)Unfortunately I don’t often get to join in live-stream due to other commitments, but will make an extra effort this coming week! Loving your contributions to @12most too!
Sounds great – and we may have a major guest for July 5th…so stay tuned! 🙂
Well, this is an unexpected irony – I have to practice what I preach and say a warm thank you to you for crediting our conversation and for expanding it into one of the best posts I’ve read. You hit all of the nails squarely on the head.
And that, 5 out of 3 scientists agree, is because you rock 🙂
Margie, Thank you for that chuckle – and for the very kind words. Most importantly, thanks for the inspiration! You rock as well, my friend! 🙂
As usual Lisa you break down what many make much more difficult than it need be into something that anyone can relate to and understand…
My wife Terri @tolenski was telling she wants to join in on the leadershipchat as she too is a leader… not just of our family but she used to be in charge of over 100 or more when she worked as Front End Mgr of a very successful supermarket.
She would make for a great case study IMHO as she received the ultimate vindication AFTER she left, which she did after the birth of our daughter over 11 years ago.
While she was working in her role, she was often criticized and vilified for having the nerve to “do her job” and have everyone follow the rules which of course in the long run benefited everyone. She was a leader in every sense of the word: Understanding, firm, compassionate, knowledgeable; strong
Well AFTER she left, she revisited the store was greeted, not with a “oh great, is she back?” but rather with a “When are you coming back?! Things are not the same without you, it’s been chaotic, no one knows what to do, everything’s a mess!”
Interesting how some leaders are viewed AFTER they leave…
Steve,
It sounds like Terri is an amazing leader… I hope that she knew that of herself while she was working in that role and didn’t doubt herself because of how her employees responded. I’m sure it’s a wonderful feeling for her to know that she was ultimately quite appreciated! Thanks so much for sharing this story and I hope to see you BOTH at #LeadershipChat sometime soon! 🙂
Thank you both!!
Hey Lisa!
As a leader, I have a very different take on this. I agree that a thank you is the correct response. But, normally I have had very little to do with what I am being praised for having done; my people have usually produced the results for which I am being praised.
I say thank you, and I also give credit where credit is due. I make sure they know where the praise really belongs, and I offer to pass it a long, or sometimes I ask them to share it with the people that produced the results.
Leadership is about producing results through others. It’s a poor leader who takes credit for and believes that they deserve the praise for the results that their people produced.
Great leadership means making sure that the credit goes to those who deserve it. You will never hear a great leader say thank you without pointing out how none of what she is being praised for could have been accomplished without her people.
That’s my two-cents!
A
Worth every penny! 😉
Anthony I absolutely agree with you…all of this would be included after, and in addition to, that confident thank you. I would fully expect you to give credit to the team, yet at the same time I would expect a leader to avoid minimizing their leadership. When I hear leaders minimizing their own role I often feel like they are looking for reassurance in some way, which comes across as weak.
You and I are absolutely on the same page – and I know you do a phenomenal job of this personally!
Very good article…I agree with the fact that the best way to take a compliment is to look the person in the eye and say “Thank you”. Well said
Thanks so much for that; so glad to know it resonated with you!
When I receive praise I will say Thank You and give recognition to anyone who may have contributed to me receiving the praise.
From there I like to move on without much dialogue directly related to me as I don’t want the focus to be on myself (the introvert in me I guess). However, I think it is worse to try and detract from the praise given. Without saying thank you or making the excuses is, to me, the same as telling someone they are wrong or misguided. I feel it would be insulting not to accept it.
If praise is given it is because someone felt we are deserving, otherwise we wouldn’t receive it. No need to feel ashamed about it.
Adam,
Very well said! Kudos to you and thanks for sharing your perspective – I am with you 100%. 🙂 Have a great weekend and thanks again for sharing your insights here with the community.
Hi Lisa, so glad I stumbled across your blog, accepting praise is something I am learning to do, but it’s hard! I have difficulty with it because I lack self-confidence. I tend to think people are offering praise just to be nice. However, I have learned that if I say anything like no, I don’t deserve it, I am really saying that person is wrong and it makes them feel bad. So now, even though I still feel like I don’t deserve the praise, I say thank you with a warm smile. Eventually my self-image will catch up to the image others have of me, little by little.
Thank you so much, Vanessa! You’re on the right path…it sounds like others see something that you need to see in yourself as well. Honored to have you here and I hope you’ll be back again soon. All the very best to you!
Thanks for this post, Lisa. I agree that praise should always be accepted with a gracious thank you.
However, instead of offering praise, it may be better to offer appreciation. That way, instead of the recipient being forced to say “thank you” (which makes them feel obligated), they can say “you’re welcome.” You place the debt on your side rather than theirs.
Andrea, what a wonderful addition – thank you so much for this. You’re right, it certainly makes it easier to respond to, perhaps this is the best first step for employees who have a difficul time accepting praise. Thank you for sharing your insights!
So true! I wrote a post recently about leaders receiving constructive / developmental feedback abut hadn’t explored leaders receiving praise. And I just realized I am probably guilty of your point about “degrading” the praise by saying things like “Aww shucks” etc. I won’t do that again! Thanks @margieclayman and @lisapetrilli!
Pam, so glad to hear you won’t do that again! Glad we’re on the same page this week and I hope to see you Tuesday night at #LeadershipChat!