by Lisa Petrilli…
The ability to lead is a rare gift. The opportunity to lead is just as precious.
Have you ever thought about whether you’re worthy of these gifts?
I had the honor and privilege to be asked to speak at an organ donation dinner and celebration last night. The gentleman before me on the agenda, my friend Tim, spoke about “the gift of donation,” while I spoke about “the gift of receiving.”
Tim’s presentation is about his daughter Samantha who lost her life in a car accident on the way to school one rainy morning when she was a senior in high school. Part of his presentation involves a slide show of Samantha growing up, set to moving music, concluding with a photo of Samantha and her boyfriend all dressed up for the Homecoming dance just 10 days before she died. She was spectacularly beautiful.
Tim talked achingly about what he’s missed out on…seeing her graduate, watching her go off to college, dancing with her at her wedding, playing with his grandchildren that will never be…
He then spoke about the gift of organ donation – how Samantha was able to help save 25 people through her gift of life, and how he was so moved by his experiences speaking about Samantha’s gift that he himself chose to donate his kidney last May to someone he’s never met. There was not a dry eye in the room and, truth be told, I have tears streaming down my face even as I write this.
And so I got up to speak about the gift of receiving.
I was supposed to be the “happy” part of the program and yet I was moved to talk about the difficulty for recipients in knowing that – for most recipients – someone like Samantha had to lose their life in order for us to live ours. Though there is a miracle in this gift there is deep pain as well. We know that it helps the families to heal by knowing that their loved one is helping us to live, and yet, how do you reconcile your own sense of gain with the extraordinary loss felt by others?
In my case, my donor gave consciously and wholeheartedly. She told me that she felt it was what God had meant for her to do and that she didn’t need that extra kidney and so very genuinely wanted me to have it.
My friend Rob Rose wrote to me once that he heard, “a true gift is one that someone wants to receive.” I absolutely wanted the gift, and the way it was given made it so easy for me to receive – and yet – I struggle to this day with feelings of unworthiness.
“What makes me worthy to receive the gift of someone else’s life?
We don’t really think about whether we’re worthy to receive birthday gifts or Christmas gifts or graduation gifts. But what about the other, more significant gifts in our life – should we reflect on our worthiness to receive and, if so, our responsibility to do something with them?
Which brings me full circle to leadership. What makes someone worthy of being a leader?
I believe in my heart that the ability to be a truly great leader is a gift that many people have within them, but that the self-awareness to bring it out and make it sing is actually rare.
I also believe that having the opportunity to lead – being put in a position of leadership over others – is a gift not to be taken for granted.
Deep down inside I know that my worthiness to receive the gift of life is very simple; purely by being an imperfect human and child of God I am worthy. And yet, I believe that with leadership it is not nearly so simple -that leaders need to live their worthiness every day.
I believe in these four key indicators that they are doing so…
- They have a deep understanding of their responsibility to treat others with great respect regardless of title or rank in the organization, age, gender, race, ethnicity, or any other factor. If respect is not part of who you are then I don’t think you’re worthy to lead. It’s not to say you won’t be successful driving financial results, it simply means you’ve done so out of force or sheer will and not leadership.
- They understand their responsibility to have a vision for the organization that they are leading and to clearly communicate this vision to their employees so that every member of the organization understands what they’re working towards creating.
- There is a set of strong, core values that the organization commits to and lives by, with the leader being held most accountable.
- They show they value their employees – the people they’ve been entrusted with the opportunity to lead. They actively seek out and engage insight and ideas from all levels of their organization and not just the C-Suite or senior management.
I believe the gift of leadership is one that is meant to be honored and respected; meant to be unwrapped purposefully, with a clear understanding of the degree of responsibility that it comes with. It’s the ones who are truly grateful for the gift and treat it with sincere respect that I believe are worthy of their roles and who ultimately make the most successful leaders.
What do you think…?
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Photo is Gift 😀 by MarcinMoga.
33 Response Comments
What do I think?
I think this may be one of the most thoughtful, insightful and pithy observations about leadership that I’ve ever read. You’ve nailed some of the intangibles of leadership that we all too often find lacking in today’s world (corporate or otherwise).
I am printing this out and putting it on my wall as a reminder of what true leadership entails and to help guide my everyday decisions.
Thanks for the powerful post, Lisa.
Cheers,
Ted
@tedlsimon
Ted,
I’m sincerely humbled by what you wrote and your desire to print the post… Thank you for the ongoing encouragement – it means the world to me, Ted.
And thank you for the reference to the intangibles…the funny thing about them is that when they’re missing, we feel it in our bones.
So honored to be your MENG colleague…
Lisa,
Kahlil Gibran wrote that, “work is love made visible.” This applies to an even greater degree to leadership. I think that part of the leadership responsibility that you talk about is to make Gibran’s words come true for anyone in the leader’s orbit.
Hans,
You are a wellspring of beautiful sayings that really do bring insights to life. Thank you for sharing them here so willingly! And I absolutely agree with you on this one… 🙂
Hi Lisa,
This is a wonderful, inspirational story. Your points about leadership are on target. Too many CEOs and others in leadership positions today do not truly understand the “gift’ and the responsibilities it carries.
Thanks again for a wonderful story., God bless you.
Mark
Thank you, Mark. I really appreciate that and I agree with you. If only more leaders understood…
Thank you for allowing me to share my stories so openly – it means so much to me!
Lisa,
What a great life and professional lesson. I’ll be recommending to others to read…and learn from. There is a great difference between having a gift and being given a reward. “Leadership” is viewed by far too many as a reward, or only as something that they are due after some term of experience.
Keep these coming!!
Mike
Mike,
So thankful to have you here and what a *great* point about reward. I think you nailed it.
I’m honored that you’ll be recommending the post, Mike – it means a lot to me, especially as a fellow Chicago MENGer! All the very best…
As I’ve juggled a full-time search and an effort to build a consulting business, I have struggled to explain to some people what I miss about the full-time job. Your beautifully written post makes that easier — what I miss is the gift of leadership, the opportunity to help someone achieve things they never thought possible.
I wonder sometimes whether I took full advantage of that gift in my previous life. What I know for sure is that I will appreciate it more if I’m given the opportunity to lead a team again at some point in the future.
Thanks for your gift of this post.
Peter
Peter,
Wow – so honored that the post inspired you to think differently about the past as well as the future, and that you consider it a gift. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…and the very best of luck in finding a role that allows your gifts to shine!
Lisa,
Another beautifully written and poignant post. What you write about is a primer for life…not just the C-Suite. These are characteristics that absolutely should be applied to live our humanity, to be decent human beings, and to make this world a better place.
I may not be in the C-Suite, and I may belong to any lofty business networks, but I belong to the club called humanity, and I plan to continue to read your post and reflect on the love and humility your story evoked.
You are an incredibly talented writer and I would purchase your work in a book anytime…you should think about it!!
Warmest regards,
Nancy
Ahhh the magic of receiving yes?
You’ve so beautifully covered the magic of giving before – and now the magic of receiving….
It’s something that few of us ever really master… Knowing how to receive a gift – especially as you put it one that is life-changing…
But whether it’s “easy to give” or “hard to give” shouldn’t really matter… The magic is in the giving AND receiving of it… With, of course, the purest form of that being the love that loves for no reason at all… that’s the divine…
And what you outline as those four traits of leadership are all about that..
You’ve also written of one other – which is that the true leader is one that “empowers”… And that’s a gift all of it’s own as well…
Another wonderful post! Talk soon.
Yes, it is magic – in the same way magic is transformational. How beautiful your words…”the love that loves for no reason at all…that’s the divine…” Thank you for the gift of that reminder, Rob, and for your constant encouragement. I’m so grateful to have you as a new friend and CMI colleague! Yes, let’s talk soon. 🙂
Nancy – you’re in the right club. 🙂
Thank you so much for the gift of your truly kind words…and I’ll have to think about that suggestion of writing a book! Maybe someday… 🙂
So grateful that you’re along for the ride with me!
This should be required reading for any and all current and future leaders for sure…
The problem or challenge if you will is what to do with those leaders who possess nor recognize ANY of the 4 traits you lay out?
They are the ones who pass along their failings and un-leader like qualities to their predecessor (one would assume) and in that case the mentality never changes within a given organization and the spiral never ends…
I realize I am generalizing but… having worked with leaders who possess none of the 4 traits, I have then seem these same leaders instill the same set of poor habits, ethics, etc into their replacements.
That’s quite a statement, Steve – the gravity of it is not lost on me. 🙂
And you’re right about poor leaders often times passing along their bad example to their successors, though in some cases it’s the culture that’s been created over time that allows it. I suspect I’ll be tackling that challenge in future posts… 😉
Thank you, as always, for your openness and honesty! I treasure them.
Lisa,
What a thoughtful post. I can think of a few politicians who might benefit from this heading into November. Inspiring as always.
I’m smiling because you and I are always on the same page, Judy! Yes, although I don’t plan to talk politics on this blog I agree with you completely. Thanks for the very kind words – I appreciate them and I really appreciate your friendship!
Really well said.
Leading by example is in my view key and leading people well is really one of the toughest things.
To truly lead is in my view many things: to inspire, to support, to share and to cooperate. To consistently stand for your values and beliefs. To be tough and fair.
Some people are lucky and have a natural gift to do so.
Unfortunately some people assume that leading is just telling other people what to do. It can be, if you don’t take it seriously…
Thank you, Eylard.
I agree with you about leading well being one of the most difficult things to do – and I love your comment at the end that some people mistakenly believe it’s just telling others what to do…you are so right about that! I think even some who do take it seriously mistakenly believe this.
So glad you stopped by and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Lisa,
This is truly an excellent post. Not enough attention is given to the appreciation we should each have for the gift of being thought of as a leader. It is a true gift that can only be given by others and it is rightly bestowed with conditions and responsibilities attached. Being accountable to constantly cherish and uphold those responsibilities is the only way we can continue to enjoy the gift. Your four points are concise reminders. Thank You.
I really appreciate that, Dan, thank you!
And your insight about the fact that enjoying the gift only comes from cherishing it and being accountable/responsible is brilliant! I’m honored that you took the time to read and to leave such a thoughtful comment, Dan – thank you so much and I genuinely hope to see you back here again!
Truly insightful post. All good points. I think that leaders are listeners to address your last bullet. They seek out the wisdom of their colleagues. They embrace the idea that we are all teachers and all students.
Lisa,
It’s refreshing to see that there are people like yourself and responders to this post that understand leadership versus management. There are many good managers that are not good leaders and I imagine that there are some good leaders who are not good managers. I’d rather work with and/or for a good leader versus a good manager because a leader really inspires you to be your best. I wish there were way more leaders and way less managers.
Jim, I agree with you…I love when someone transcends management and becomes a true leader. Inspiration is hard to resist following! All the best and thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I think that Item #2 on your list should also include a healthy dose of “fear” or reverence for their capacity to lead. It sounds a bit melodramatic, but I can specifically and clearly recall the fulcrum points of my life in terms of accepting leadership and its responsibility. Those moments were weighted with the gravitas of “if not me, then who?” before taking up the mantle. It’s understanding for sure, but I also think there’s a bit of additional nuance involved.
BTW, I must echo the earlier comments from the others that you have articulately shared the esoteric or ‘hidden’ aspects that determine a true leader from one who merely “leads.” Solid post. Thank you for sharing it! Best, M.
Molly, I love the word “reverence” in regard to leadership – excellent addition, and your thoughts are not melodramatic at all! I think there may have also, in regard to your fulcrum points, been a bit of knowing your true purpose…recognizing it in that moment. Thank you for your beautiful words and insights – they are sincerely appreciated, as always!
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This is a very nice story Lisa. I guess that its kind a nice that there are such people out there. Thanks for sharing.