I have the honor and the privilege of working with the CEO Connection, an exclusive organization comprised of CEOs leading companies with more than $100 million in revenues.
Part of my role includes spending time on the phone with CEOs who have been nominated to join the organization, discussing the culture that they’ll find within the organization if they join, and the events that we host that bring our members together.
One of those events is called a “CEO Boot Camp.” Twelve CEOs from around the country and across industries spend the day together talking about their biggest challenges in a closed-door manner. They all sign a non-disclosure agreement walking into the event, and unlike an iPhone at a sales meeting in Vegas, what happens in the CEO Boot Camp really does stay in the CEO Boot Camp.
So, several months ago I was on the phone with a CEO of a well-known company talking about the Boot Camps when he seemed to have an epiphany – an “a-ha” moment that was expressed to me with a delighted gasp…
He said, “A chance for me to be vulnerable and finally admit what I don’t know.”
I was stunned.
Stunned at the fact that he felt he could not freely admit what he didn’t know. He was afraid to.
Why is that? Are we holding our leaders to such a high standard that any allowance for vulnerability is perceived as weakness?
Now, I fully understand the scrutiny that CEOs are under and the fact that the average CEO tenure is roughly 18 to 24 months. I suspect many grapple with:
- A fear of failure
- A fear of misreading the market, the competitive landscape, their customers
- A fear of making the wrong decision
- A fear of being too bold or too reticent
- A fear of a company crisis
But it’s because of the speed at which they either succeed or fail that made it that much more surprising to me that this CEO was afraid to admit what he didn’t know. In my experience, admitting you don’t know something is the fastest way to start moving towards receiving the input, advice and help that enable you to then move forward.
Think about this. If a leader chooses to wait months to participate in an event with his peers in order to feel comfortable admitting what he doesn’t know, what is the extent of the lost opportunities in the interim? What are the costs and risks of not allowing himself to be comfortable with his vulnerability and asking for support or advice to enable him to boldly move forward? And what has driven him to this point?
There are probably an infinite number of current leadership examples you can think of in politics and business where instead of a leader admitting what they didn’t know or that they needed help to capably address an opportunity or crisis, they allowed the fear of showing their vulnerability to get the better of them with often disastrous consequences.
In this particular CEO’s case, when he shared his vulnerabilities at the Boot Camp (which I attended) it was clear that they were simply a byproduct of his particular experiences to-date, and nothing “out of the ordinary” from others’ perspectives. He was able to provide truly insightful and valuable advice to his peers and receive the same back from them. Net-net, he needed some experienced input but his fears, solely from my perspective, were not warranted.
Do you have fears that are making it harder for you to lead? Are you:
- Putting off making important and even time sensitive decisions
- Finding that projects/launches are missing key milestones – or not even getting off the ground?
- Not pursing new business partnerships or finding yourself putting off meetings with current or potential partners
- Constantly in “reactive mode” rather than “proactive mode”
Is fear stopping you from:
- Openly admitting what you don’t know and where you could use some outside expertise in order to continue with a forward trajectory
- Approaching a potential partner/buyer/acquisition with a bold proposal
- Being creative in your approach to new challenges
- Embracing innovation
What are the upsides of getting past this? Would you be a better leader because of it and would you be inspired to create a culture where asking for help is encouraged?
Please share your thoughts in the comments…I’d be honored to hear from you!
(I’d also be honored if you’d consider subscribing here!)
14 Response Comments
Wow, Lisa this is really powerful stuff. I can’t thank you enough for posting. This really helped me process some things I am dealing with. We heard Liz say at SOBcon that fear is a mind killer. It really is pervasive. Great perspective.
Sorry I didn’t meet you in Chicago.
Thanks, Joe!
Nothing makes writing more worthwhile than to hear that my experiences and thoughts have somehow been of help – so thank you for letting me know that the post is helping you to process some things.
Yes, Liz talked about fear much more eloquently than I can – thanks for reminding me of her beautiful words.
I, too, am sorry we didn’t meet – even with a small group I missed out on the opportunity to get to know some truly brilliant people. I’ll be there next year – hope you will as well!
Thank you for taking the time to comment – it means a lot to me, Joe!
Lisa – excellent insight on how admitting you don’t know something will help you in the long run. There’s nothing wrong with admitting it and seek advice or learn from others to supplement your knowledge.
Anthony,
Thank you – and clearly you’re way ahead of the game! I love that you point out it will help you in the long run to admit what you don’t know!
It means a lot to me that you took the time to comment – thank you, Anthony. 🙂
Leadership requires an amazing balance. I am always in favor of complete honesty but in a reserved manner. I have never been a CEO so its is very hard to picture why their terms with their companies are so short. Does it demonstrate a weakness on their part if they hold team meeting with their executives and gather their opinions on a topic? I have always felt that good company culture would mean that everyone feels part of the decision making process. That’s just me..and again I have never been a CEO so it’s hard to place myself in their shoes.
Jonathan,
Agreed – it is a delicate balance and requires so many skills. No, I don’t think it is a sign of weakness to get others’ opinions, and I believe most CEOs do that quite regularly.
In this case it was not a matter of gathering opinions but rather admitting there was a void of knowledge that was hard for this CEO to grapple with and personally accept.
What’s most significant to me about your comment is your mention of how hard it is to put yourself in others’ shoes. There is no way any of us can judge this particular CEO or others, as many are apt to do, but simply use the situation to ask ourselves if we are best serving ourselves as leaders. Kudos to you for that. Thank you again, Jonathan, for sharing your great insights!
Lisa,
That last point about creating a culture where people can make mistakes and ask for help is critical. I have only very recently taken to rejecting the label of “expert” so that i can have room to learn and room to lead.
Hans,
Thank you for saying that and for showing that you believe it by rejecting that “e” word! I think the people that I consider “experts” actually reject that label as well – which is why I want to follow them and learn from them. 🙂
It means so much to me to have you as a reader – and to have you share your insights so willingly! Thank you!
Just curious: did you see the same attitude in women? My gut feeling is that might be a masculine approach to leadership. “I must appear invincible or my followers will lose faith!”
Lynne,
That’s a great question. No, I have not seen that yet but to be honest, the majority of CEOs that I am working with are men. So, let’s take your thinking one step further – is it because they appear invincible that men get the job more than women?
It is certainly something to mull over… Thank you for taking the time to comment, Lynne – I really appreciate it!
Lisa,
As I read this I am thinking of what Mark Twain once said: ‘Each man is afraid of his neighbor’s disapproval–a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.’
New CEOs probably all struggle with the fear of disapproval and the unknown. Fear is a show stopper!
I am not a fan of reality TV, but I have seen one or two episodes of Undercover Boss. It was so interesting to watch these CEOs learn what they didn’t know or understand about their company’s basic work flow.
The interesting part about the average tenure of 18-24 months is this: How much do they earn during this period and what does their severance package look like? Could be 24 months of fear pays a mighty sum, as compared to the hardworking line staff.
Off to work…
Judy,
As always, such wonderful insights from you! Yes, you are right, sometimes leading from fear still pays large financial dividends, but knowing the CEOs I work with that would mean little to them. I actually have been highly impressed by the type of individuals that they are, and how enthusiastically passionate about their roles that most of them are.
Thank you again for being so thoughtful with your comments and sharing what you’ve seen.
Lisa, my experience is a little different. Admitting I don’t have all the answers hasn’t been my biggest fear over the last nine years as a CEO. Enrolling others to complement my shortcomings is empowering for them and reassuring for me.
My fear has been different. What am I missing? Am I too close to the situation to be objective? What assumptions are we making as a team that we shouldn’t? Are my instincts still valid? These are the things that are difficult to talk about openly.
John,
I think it’s powerful that you know what your fear is – most can’t really identify what their particular fear is. Have you considered creating a Board of Advisors of trusted peers that you could go to quarterly with questions like these? This is one of the services that the CEO Connection offers to our members that I see the CEOs valuing more lately for exactly the reasons you give.
Please let me know how I can be of help to you! All the best, John – thank you for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it!